Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
