I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
She's not a foreskin expert like you
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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