Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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