You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
