I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
