I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
