i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
