did you get engaged???
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
