it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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