She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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