when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
