Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
