this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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