but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
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