Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
