nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
