pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
