I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
