And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
