I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Just high enough for therapy.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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