What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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