just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
