The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
