I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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