Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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