Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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