just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
