Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
