what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
it's like iHOP with fire
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Let's paint friendship bongs
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
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