She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
