Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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