God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
