my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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