My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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