i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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