How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
