HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I cut my penus on the lid.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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