Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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