So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
