All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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