Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
