the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
i've created a new STD.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
