my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
