I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
