Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
