If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
