my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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