I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
