I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
