Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
