watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
