I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
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The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
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best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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