apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Randomize
