He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
