We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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