Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
