I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
