real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
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she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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