why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
