I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
my being single is dangerous.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
