You're my little dorito
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
