Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
