Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
