what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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