Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He passed out mid-signature
Operation Purity has been aborted
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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