wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
