he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
