Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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