look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
