I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Ladies don't puke and tell
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
