Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
