used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
