I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
