She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
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I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
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Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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