Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
