): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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