Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
