did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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