This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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